Technical Difficulties

I have had a very rough week. I teach elementary school and I have 7 students that are extremely difficult behaviorally. Some feed off of each other, others are like oil and water and are always ready to fight each other. It has been like this since the beginning of the year, but for some reason these last couple of weeks have gotten worse and I am struggling. The stress has caused me to over eat and the emotional stress is causing exhaustion, so I am not cooking and planning well. I rested yesterday and today I grocery shop and plan for the week coming up so I will be ready. I have a meeting set up with my principal tomorrow to discuss getting some help with my class. I need to start exercising even though I am exhausted because I know that will help with the stress. Here's hoping for a better week!

Childhood Issues and Weight

I was reading another persons blog and she talked about her crappy childhood and how it caused her to be the adult she is today, including her overeating and weight issues. I also had a crappy childhood: I dealt with abandonment, anger, alcoholism, and poverty to name a few. I know these issues made me who I am today. I would have to say that the over riding feelings that harmed me the most as a child were not feeling loved or taken care of. As an adult I find myself doing the same thing to myself. I do not love myself or take care of myself the way an emotionally healthy and secure adult woman would naturally do. I learned early on that my needs don't matter. Others selfish and abusive needs mattered more than me. Sometimes when I look at myself from an outside perspective I think, "why are you doing the same thing to yourself that the adults in your life did to you when you were a child". I am an adult now and have full control over the way that I treat myself and I also have full control over the way I allow or don't allow other adults to treat me. I need to start treating myself with love and kindness and respect. And it starts with taking care of myself and loving myself enough to eat healthy and take care of my body.

Mid Week Struggle

I have not done great yesterday or today. I eat great all the way up through dinner, then those night time munches kick in. I am very disappointed in myself. I have over eaten two nights in a row. I must find a way to stop this now before I regain all the weight I've lost. How do others deal with late night eating?

Another amazing loss!

I am thrilled to say I lost 6 lbs this week. That is a total of 13 lbs in 2weeks. I am so happy. Not only for the loss, but I am happy that I can do this. I CAN track all my food and I CAN stay within my calorie limits. I have HOPE that I can reach my goals. Not only my weight OSS goals but ALL of my goals. I was watching Jane Fonda on the OWN network the other day and she said it is never too late to change and grow. She said she was 60 years old before she really got it. I feel sometimes at 44 that I am too old to get my masters degree and change careers. But I must remember that it's never too late!

Quote

"If you put off everything till you're sure of it, you'll never get anything done ." I found this quote by Norman Vincent Peele. I have lived my life putting off everything and I am done living this way. I have wasted years waiting for everything to line up right. I am missing the journey. I pray that I start enjoying the journey, even if it will take forever to lose all this weight.

Day 11

I have been blogging and tracking my food for 11 days now. I have done wonderful. I am so happy with myself. I have I tracked every morsel and have stayed under my calorie allotment everyday. The only area I have yet to address is exercise. Ok, ok. I know I have to begin some sort of daily exercise. I am considering a gym membership, which I plan on going to in the next few days to see how I like it. Other than that I am doing well and feel hopeful for my future.

Have you ever...

Have you ever felt invisible? Like no one sees you? I feel like I am on a collision course heading straight to hell with some awful decisions I am making in my personal life and all those around me don't even seem to notice. My husband, which is going to be the main recipient of my explosion, has no clue that there is anything wrong. Am I that good of an actress or is he that out of touch with me? I know this isn't directly weight loss related, I am sure these types of feelings is directly related to my weight.

Weigh In & How Bad Do I Want This?

Good news first. Today it has been one week since I started logging all my food in My Fitness Pal and I have lost 7lbs!!!! I am very excited and proud. I worked hard preparing food, logging it all in and sticking to the plan even when I was hungry or just wanting to eat at night. Hard work does pay off. A comment I received the other day really got me thinking. I posted about how much I hate to exercise, whined about how I hate to sweat and basically digging my heels in the ground that I don't want to exercise ever. Well, the comment ended with, " How bad do you want it". That smacked me right in the face. Thank you for that. You know what? Just like eating healthy and the right amount of food is hard work, so is exercising. If I want to continue on this plan and reach my goals then I must suck it up and do the dreaded EXERCISE! No excuses, no whining, like the old Nike commercial used to say, " Just Do It!".

The Dreaded "E" Word

Truth is I hate exercise. I always have. I don't like to sweat and I don't like to feel the uncomfortableness that often accompanys hard workouts. Despite this, I know that exercise is essential to weight loss and general health. I have been a member of various gyms throughout the years and I usually workout for a month or two and then spend many more months paying for nothing. People have said that I need to find some type of exercise I enjoy, but I don't enjoy any. I am really struggling with this, as my weigh in is tomorrow and I may be disappointed when I step on the scale and I will have my lack of movement to blame.

Most Important Thing

After reading so many weight loss blogs and the numerous successes, I have determined that there is one thing that seems to be imperative for weight loss: keeping track of everything you eat. I have started using My Fitness Pal and I love how easy it is to use. I have the app for my iPad and iPhone and they sync, so I can log at work or home and never risk forgetting to log a morsel I have eaten. I think this simple commitment to log everything I consume will make a huge difference in my weight loss efforts. The last few days have gone very well. I was worried that being back at school would hinder my diet with all the candy and goodies we seen to have, but so far things have been relative easy. I was watching Oprah the other day and she said that weight loss is hard work and there is no quick fix or any one diet that will magically make the weight fall off effortlessly. I agree. And I am up for the challenge of the hard work!

Happy New Year, Happy New Me!

I am thrilled to be starting a new year with a new attitude. It feels so good to be motivated and have clear goals established. I love using My Fitness Pal to track my food intake and exercise. I have made a promise to myself to track my food each and everyday with no excuses. I wasted 2011 and I will not let 2012 pass me by. I am going to take each day as an opportunity for growth and learning. Cheers! Dawn